So, it’s been about a month and a half. Initial response to the Community Games Round-Up wasn’t anything to write home about, and then Ryan Rigney over at Blend Games got involved. Here is a link to my N4G article, and here is a link to Rigney’s. You can look at the temperatures of those two submissions, mine ending at 20 degrees, and Ryan’s ending at 249. So needless to say, thank you Ryan, I really do appreciate it.

So here we are, at the beginning of another round up. Which games will be deserving of your dollars this time? And which ones will go the way of Rocket Fart? A harrowing question indeed. These are done in no particular order, well scratch that, they’re done in alphabetical order for ease of tracking. I hope you enjoy this edition of: The Community Games Round-Up!

A Robot’s Conundrum

200 mp

In the time after Wall-E, I expect more adorable robots.

Call me shallow, but this robot is far from adorable.

You know those puzzle games you can find all across the internet that require a Ph. D and three days straight of thinking to figure out? If you make one single mistake near the back end of one of the levels you’ll be forced to restart from the very begininning. Well, A Robot’s Conundrum is kind of like those games. I wouldn’t say it’s Ph. D in physics hard, but it does feature one shot puzzles that require you not mess up, lest you be forced to restart.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to transport a barrel from the top of the screen to the bottom of the screen. You are a little box shaped robot whom can push, fly (for a limited amount of time) and fire lasers either slightly to the left and down, or slightly to the right and down. What’s that called? Diagonally. Anyways there’s light blue blocks, and solid blue blocks, and you can shoot through the light blue blocks. That’s about the gist of it really. If the barrell falls too far on the way down, it breaks, and if it gets stuck, you restart. Pretty standard stuff.

Recommendation: Ignore – There’s plenty of games like this on the internet, and you may even be able to find something a little bit easier on the eyes.

Chalked

400 mp

Ahem, umm… what?

Initial Impressions: Well, I liked the menu, and that’s a fact you can take to the bank and exchange for an opinion. That opinion being that the menu is really quite possibly one of the best I’ve seen in any of these XNA games. Really, it is quite good. That’s not to say that the menu is better than the game itself, unless of course it is. Let’s have a look.

Mid-Game Impressions: If they spent that much time making a menu of high quality, then by god, the game must be genius. I can either destroy the city, or protect the city. Going with my inherently paternal nature (I do own a dog), I opt to protect the city. I’ve read the tutorial and know that there’s flags I can lay down for back up, so I’m pretty sure I’m ready. I then enter into a 3D world, and I sigh, because I much preferred the menu.

As a protector I’m supposed to catch these terrorist dudes, and since all terrorists wear backpacks, it’s fairly easy to see them. The only problem is that the back up isn’t immediate, and the terrorists are just as fast as me. They can enter buildings and come out the back, while I’m forced to run around to the other side.

Backpack = Terrorist. It’s true, this is why it’s difficult to pick out a terrorist at school.

Final Impressions: Playing as the terrorist was a bit more fun, and I did enjoy bringing down buildings. Once I found a suitable buliding to destroy, it was just a matter of running inside and performing a quicktime event. This planted a bomb, and I just leave and press A. Presto, no more building. Of course you’ve got to keep on your toes, because just coming out of a building can be hazardous, and it was at this time that I realized I must just have been a crappy protector. Oh well.

Recommendation: Ignore – While playing as the terrorist was a bit more fun, neither that, nor the menu are enough to save this game from being a skip.

Clover

400 mp

Dude, there’s a book right behind you. Just turn around. JUST LOOK!

From the get go I can tell this is going to be an artsy game. Perhaps one that requires a certain level of thought. I’m okay with that. Immediatly after starting the game I find that I’m in a house. I am fairly tall and brooding boy, with my hands in my pockets and a perpetual downward gaze.  There’s a key under a table to the right, and a door with an angry guy (or gal, who knows) on the other side. I go to open the door and, surprise, it’s locked. Quite the conundrum here. After some experimentation with button presses, I manage to pick up the key and put it in the door. The guard comes in and issues me my weekly allowance. As you’ve probably guessed, this is an adventure game.

Within my brief play time I come across a church with with a priest whom requires my assistance in removing a cat from atop his organ, and I also come across a rather angry farmer who threatened to call the guards on me if I stepped into his field. I found a man who was tired of “The same old Gangster novels” and it was here I learned that this evidently takes place in a world where gangsters and castles co-exist. Very interesting indeed. Perhaps the highlight of my time in Clover was when I stood in the well for just a bit too long and got arrested. Soon after this I stopped.

Crabs

Recommendation: Try It- From what I played I can’t fault it. It had interesting characters, and who knows where it all could have ended up?

Cubix

200 mp

All the fun of a Rubik’s Cube, without the cube.

Cubix can be summed up in three words. Intangible Rubik’s Cube. I can’t solve a Rubik’s Cube to save my life, so the last thing I’m gonna do is play with on a TV screen. Honestly, the game does nothing that could not already be achieved with a real Rubiks Cube and a clock. There’s in game awards, but who’s going to see them? Why not just solve a Rubik’s Cube in front of your friends? Or your family? Or some random people, they’d probably think it was pretty cool.

This game doesn’t even appeal to an actual Rubik’s Cube enthusiest. Why use an Xbox 360′s controller when it’s so much easier to use the real thing. Perhaps its only merit is that it is cheaper than an actual Rubik’s Cube, but what happens when you want to play it elsewhere? You simply cannot. Either way, go with the real thing for your Cube action.

Recommendation: Ignore It – Honestly, just drop the extra cash to play with a real one.

Dock ‘Em

200 mp

There’s 8 boats on screen, and two more coming in from the south.

Can it be done? I submit that it cannot.

It could’ve been great. I’ll start off by saying that. Now let me backpeddle a little, because it could have been good. Not great, but good at least. I like the concept at its basic level. The concept of Dock ‘Em is to guide three different types of ships to their three different docks. You do this by targeting the ships, and then dragging a path for them to follow to their docks. It starts off easy, but as you continue playing more and more ships appear (still just the three types) and they may begin to cross paths.

The way to lose at the game if for a collision to happen. Perhaps a collision with another boat, or perhaps a collision with the land. It was fun, I’ll give it that, but what it loses points for is variety. There is no indication of different levels to be found. Just one level, and three ship types. That means that if you buy the game, you’re stuck playing the same (non randomly generated) map from here until eternity, and that’s why it could have been good. Not great, but good.

Recommendation: Try It –  Just like Solaris from the last Round-Up, this is a game that you can probably enjoy in the 10 minute increments that the demo provides.

Grav Sheep

200 mp

Terrible farm location. Just Terrible.

Now, as a rule, I don’t often play games where I’m something as lowly as a sheep. So imagine my dismay when I found that I would be playing Grav Sheep. Now imagine my uplifted spirits when I discovered that I would be playing as a sheep herding dog. Ha ha, these lowly barnyard animals will bend to my will. The superior intelligence of my sheep dog mind will completely obliterate any preconcieved notion that they, the sheep, had about escape. Domination, thy name be DOG! Or perhaps I’m reading too much into this, it is getting late.

And of course it takes place in space, which ups the ante. Though I don’t understand why the dog has to wear a space helmet while the sheep don’t even explode. The lack of oxygen seems to leave them unphased as well. Perhaps the makers of Grav Sheep know something we don’t? But I digress. In Grav Sheep you are tasked with herding a group of sheep into little areas. You have a fuel gauge which will deplete, as will your health if you so much as think of touching the sides of the levels. The sheep run away from you, and I can’t help but be reminded of another game by the monicker of Flock!. Though I like this game more than Flock! because I can actually control it.

Constant gravity shifts will keep you on your toes.

As you go on the levels get bigger, and the challenge ramps up accordingly. There’s keys to be found, as well as decoys which can be used to keep the sheep away from areas in which they don’t belong. My main complaint would have to be how lazy the sheep are about getting away. Sometimes they’ll find their way into a corner, and you’ll almost be forced into ramming into the corner (resulting in a loss of health) just to get them out. It can be quite frustrating at times.

Recommendation: Try It – If you were hoping Flock! would be great, but were a bit dissappointed, then this may be the game for you. It’s not as pretty to look at, but gameplay’s what matters most. Right?

Hieronymus Bash

200 mp

Is that a naked dude in a bubble?

Also known as sacriligous dodgeball, Hieronymus Bash, heretofore known as HB, pits those from heaven and those from hell against each other. This, I did not know when I decided to download it. Now I don’t honestly care what your beliefs are, but if you have any reservations about throwing a rubber ball at an angel, or about a little devil threatening to throw a dodgeball at a certain Lordly figure, you may want to avoid this game.

I on the other have no reservations about anything, so I just hopped right in. After choosing my favorite colored angel (wouldn’t you like to know), I believed I was on my way. Not so fast, said nothing, this is strictly a multiplayer game. Uh oh, but there is no one here for me to play with. Sounds like trouble to me Cap’n. I do have a second controller though, so I did the responsible thing and set it up for me to play against a non-moving opponent. Not quite like the real thing, but I have integrity, so I was going to play this game no matter what.

 Passion of the Christ 2: Dodge This

So I switched sides (the demons seemed more appropriate this time), and went to work pelting the innocent angel with dodgeballs. The controls were easy enough, and after three straight shots to the angels face, I became huge. Also there was a pentagram behind me. I threw the final shot to the angel, and off his ghost went to who knows where. Probably heaven, but maybe hell because he failed.

Recommendation: Try It –  I say go for it. There’s no A.I., but if you have a couple of friends (three friends that is) who are willing to play something that may or may not be in the Bible (perhaps near the back), it could most definitely be a blast.

Jammer

400 mp

The key problem here is that I want to listen to purple, but I’m stuck with green.

Jammer is a hard game to play on an Xbox controller. Though let’s not just limit it to that. Jammer would be hard to play on any controller, except perhaps the one controller it was meant for, and that would be a Guitar peripheral. I unfortunatly sold my Guitar Hero game a while back, and therefore cannot test this theory. The description says it may be used, so I assume the creator made the game with the intention of it being used, or has at least had some level of success using it with the game.

Jammer is a rythm game that only requires three buttons. The X, the A, and the B (though the B button may be supplemented with the Right Trigger). As the notes come down, you have to press buttons in time with the beat. Once you do this enough, you win. What I truly like about Jammer is the fact that it allows you to choose how the song will be heard. As the notes fall, you will often be met with more than one choice of which group of notes you want to take. This not only allows you to choose your own difficulty level, but the music is dependent on what you play, and that’s pretty cool.

Recommendation: Try It – Especially if you have a Guitar controller, I’d like to hear if it works well or not. If you have a gamepad, I’d recommend skipping it altogether. It’s an original concept, but the notes are too small to hit with any true accuracy.

Math Sniper 3D

200 mp

Yes, it does look like a school. Good observation. I’m frightened as well.

Me: When will math ever help me in real life?

Teacher: Well, what if you want to become a math teacher?

Me: Well… I don’t.

Teacher: I see. Perhaps you would like to become an architect?

Me: Nope, not really.

Teacher: A programmer? A designer of some sort? A calculator tester?

Me: Nope, nope, and maybe, but probably not.

Teacher: Well what about a sniper? As you know, snipers are given their “marks” through a series of hard to decipher codes like 2 + 2, or 4 x 4.

You’d best know your times tables if you even want to THINK about shooting somebody

Me: I’m intrigued.

Teacher: Yes, and everyone has a designated number stamped to their face. Like yours is 12.

Me: But I don’t have a number stamped…

Teacher: Quiet! And then I, the sniper will solve the math problem, and then dependent on what the answer is, I will choose my victim.

Me: You’re scaring me.

Teacher: (Takes out sniper rifle) Okay, my first mission. 2 x 6. Do you know what 2 x 6 is?

Me: I don’t want to answer.

Teacher: Too late, I already know.

Background Music: Duh duh duhhhhhhh

Math Sniper Movie Tagline: What’s YOUR number?

Recommendation: Try It – I like math games like this, so if you’re not a math person, you should probably skip it. It’s as simple as that though, solve the problem and find your mark. Shoot and repeat. You can pick what types of problems are given, and even the number range. The trial only lets you do 2 + 2 though, so you’ll have to decide on your own whether to buy it.

Pellmell

400 mp

Yes, title screens are more important than a picture of the actual game.

Shoot ‘em ups, or Shmup’s as they are affectionatly called by their fans, have always been a gray area of gaming for me. While I can appreciate the skill that they require, I rarely find myself playing them and it’s an even rarer event when I find myself enjoying them. Pellmell managed to surprise me in this way by providing a Shmup that I actually enjoyed, and I attribute this to the fact that the protaganist has a health bar.

Call me a wimp if you must, but I can’t stand the fact that one hit in most Shmups is enough to kill me. In fact, it is this fact that has turned me off them for the most part. I understand it’s “hard core” and such what and so forth, but sometimes I just want to have fun, and painstakingly memorizing patterns just so I can play a game isn’t fun. Pellmell offers a nice middlground by providing the player with a health bar, and at most I’ve only found one health pack on any one level. Things got pretty hectic, so I can’t say for sure, but I believe some of the levels had no health packs what so ever.

You’re the red dude just in front of the explosion. You can even jump. Yay!

Of course, this also makes the game more forgiving. A quick minded person, and or an avid gamer should have little to no problem with most of what Pellmell throws at them, let alone a full fledged Shmup veteran. Pellmell claims to offer more than 100 levels, awards, and there’s even cooperative play.

Recommendation: Try It – If you’re like me and don’t like the “Hardcore” Shmups, rejoice, for an everyman’s Shmup has arrived. Give it a go, you’ll probably enjoy yourself.

Reflex Turbo 3

400 mp

Reflex Turbo 3 is not, as I initially suspected, the third in a trilogy of games called Reflex Turbo. Nay, Reflex Turbo 3 is in fact 3 “games” that test you in various areas of video game prowess. Of course by prowess I mean how long you can hold a button, how fast you can press a button once, and how fast you can repeatedly press a button.

The first game asks you to hold down on the A button and aim a turret. This is supposed to test your accuracy, but when you’re shooting three bullets at once in a shotgun spray like fashion, accuracy has little to no meaning. Throw in three of your friends if you want to sit there and play forever, because with four people it’s an almost impossible game to lose.

KILL KILL KILL…. Asteroids…

The second game tests your reflexes by making sure you can press the A button when a sound goes off. The sound is something akin to what a gong wrapped in a blanket would make, so good luck picking it out against the background music. Alternativly, you can see whether or not you’re better than your friends at pressing a sequence of buttons faster. Perfect for those times when you just can’t decide who’s the best at quicktime events.

Only art of the highest caliber is allowed

The final challenge features you as a chicken (maybe) tapping the A button as fast as you can in an attempt to reach the finish line first. Putting hurdles in your path and increasing the track length are two of the options provided to prolong your misery. You can also set it so you must hit A and X alternativly in order to run, but I found this only made my chicken have seizures along the path. The computer chicken runs like lightning right out of the gate, and though I consider myself to be a fairly competent button presser, I have nothing on that chicken. I will forever be ashamed.

It’s exactly as interesting as it looks

Recommendation: Skip It – This game aims to offer a means to better yourself at various gaming tasks. But why not play an actual game then?

StreamLine

200 mp

When lines of light explode, you know something serious is going down.

This game is difficult. I can honestly say that. It requires fast reflexes and some rote pattern memerization. You play as Green Line. He’s a character with a lot of spunk whom is very likable because you are him. You’re playing against Red Line. He’s mean and evil and want’s you to fail. I know this because he is red. Together you race across mazes of levels at something akin to maybe 10 mph, and all you have to do is avoid stuff. Of course, if you want to you can throw in some other colors too if you have some friends, but because I wanted to keep the integrity of my reviews top notch, and because nobody was available, I played against the A.I.. Don’t judge me.

As you make your way along the treacherous path, you’ll also find red and green arrows. Green arrows, much like Green Line, are good. They make you go faster. Red arrows are bad, and they make you go slower. If you hit an object, you lose energy. Run out of energy, and Green Line dies. Fret not however, for spread across the levels or energy bars that you can run Green Line through in order to collect more energy. Energy also acts as your booster, but if you use too much, Green Line may die, so choose your timing accordingly.

Recommendation: Try It – It really is that simple, but StreamLine has a certain addictive quality that I find hard to shake. It’s not a truly trial and error process because it’s possible to make it through the levels in one try if you’re a fast enough thinker, and it’s hard to get frustrated when you do fail because of how fast it all is. Definitely worth a try.

Trino

400 mp

Isn’t he adorable…ish?

Hmm… odd how this turned out. I set out today planning on playing these in alphabetical order. I would review each, and skip reviewing those that I believed would be worthy of a purchase. How lucky then, that it turned out I wouldn’t have to go through any such artificial revue process, for I have come across that game last. As it turns out, Trino is worthy of your hard earned money, and here’s why.

Trino is wonderful to look at. Truly, it is a testament to what can be done with simple graphics to make a beautiful game. Remember those menu’s I was talking about for Chalked? Well, while I still think they’re just tops, something must be said for the simplicity that Trino brings to the table. It has our lone protaganist off to the side, rendered in all of its 3D glory. Of course, the only thing to do is to start playing.

It really is a great looking game

You see Trino is an alien, and he’s up against the Nanites. A malevolent group of nano-robots whom have imprisoned Trino for his powers. What are Trino’s powers you ask? Well, triangles of course. Now before you go on and on about how terrible of a power that is, you must realize that these triangles can trap and destroy your enemies. Yeah, not sounding so bad now, huh?

The first map is a predictable rectangle, and all I was told to do was to capture the enemies. Simple enough. You lay down each point of the triangles seperatly and choosing when to deploy your final point is key. As I got more adept, I earned a power to create a fourth point, turning my triangles into rectangles or squares or even rhombii if I so desired. This allowed for better combo choices as I progressed. You will find enemies that glow various colors as well. Destroy the glowing green ones to collect green orbs which fill up the corners of whatever shape you are currently trapped in. Seeing as I was in a rectangle I only had to collect four. After that I was allowed to connect all four corners using my crafty ability and I finished the level.

The levels increase in difficulty and extravagance as you go on

Green isn’t the only orb type though, no. There’s the standard Red orbs which provide you with extra points. The more difficult the enemy, the bigger the orb produced, and the more points you get. Blue orbs will show up every couple of levels in the beginning to give you experience which will add to the amount of triangles little Trino can create. You’ll know that your in for another triangle when the amount of corners on a level is one higher than the amount of points you can lay down. Yellow orbs will give you one extra life, and purple orbs will allow you to set off a bomb Geometry Wars style.

As your abilities grow in power, so too do your enemies grow in numbers and in strength. The first level was filled merely with little floating jellyfish like enemies. The jellyfish don’t honestly care about what your doing, and will only continue to show up as obstacles in your path. The first true enemy you find is shaped a bit like a stealth bomber, and will activly seek you out in an attempt to end your existence. By far, my least favorite enemy would have to be a small brown bug looking enemy whom is rather crafty in that it will avoid the sides of your triangles like the plague. You’ll have to be smart, and fast in order to capture him.

Now THAT’S a boss fight

The game is split into three chapters, each of which shows how Trino evolves over time. At the begining of each chapter you are back at one triangle, and you must re-earn all of your old power ups. This of course had the added twist of lulling me into a false sense of security. Where I believed I had finally managed to master an enemy, I was thrown back into square one and forced to deal with an assault of the very foes I was completly decimating 5 minutes ago. Each chapter is 15 levels long, with a boss battle at the tail end. I liked this kind of progression, because each chapter is something like a harder difficulty level, though with 15 completely different shaped levels.

In all honesty, I completed the first chapter, left for a day, and came back ready to tackle chapter 2. Unfortunatly, I got completely destroyed by the new challenge. I was upset, because just the day before I had mastered the game, and now here I was, only a day later, and I felt like I haden’t played a video game in 3 months. I was upset, but then I realized I was having too much fun to care, and I went about mastering it all over again.

Recommendation: Buy It – I have played Geometry Wars before, and I have played Jezz Ball before, but I have never played a mix of the two. I would go so far as to say the Trino is a better game than Geometry Wars, because as opposed to pure spray and pray, Trino asks you to plan ahead. Yes, you can lay down triangles with reckless abandon, but the true fun is in trapping your enemies and creating combos for that high score. $5 is nothing for a game like Trino.

Bonus: An Interview with Trino Team!

Note: Text in gray are my questions.

All other colored text are responses from different members of the team. Enjoy!

Trino 4 Weeks Into Production

8 Weeks In

11 Weeks In

Oct 2008

Tep: We receive a lot of feedback from players and we are trying very hard to respond those feedback. Apart from that, you can say we are taking a break

Linhan: We had such a good time developing Trino with all team members. We know each other very well during the passing 2 years. We enjoy making games, and hope to work together again if there’s any opportunity. 

Trino as it is today

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So here we are at the end of another Community Games Round-Up. So, what did you think? Was it too contrived? Should I be more serious? Less serious? Any comments or questions will be allowed (except spam). Good bye, and thanks for reading.

My conundrum of course being, what do I get?  It really only between three games, and each of them has its personal merits. At the top of the list is a game I’ve been following for quite some time because it reminds me of an open world super hero game, which is a genre I’ve enjoyed in both Spiderman 2 and The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction. I’m of course talking about Prototype.

Yeah, pretty cool I guess. I mean, I have opposable thumbs, but whatever.

Jumping around the city, causing all kinds of mayhem and destruction is something that can always hold my attention for longer than it should. This is a completely single player experience, which means that it’ll have to stay interesting throughout, and even after it’s finished if it’s to get a buy from me. Of course, I still play Spiderman 2 every now and then. With Alex Mercer’s (the protagonist) myriad of powers, and an ever evolving landscape, I don’t see this game getting boring for a long while. Add and interesting story and varied enemies, and this may replace Spiderman 2 as my go to open world game.

Second on my list would have to be Ghostbuster: The Videogame. I’m not someones who’s been holding my breath for a Ghostbusters game worth playing. I liked the movies, and I’ve had my doubts that a game could live up to them. After watching multiple videos and reading many previews, this could most definitely be a game worth playing. Ghostbusters has humor and a nostalgic flavor that Prototype has no chance of capturing. So that is, of course, what Ghostbusters has going for it. Plus, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

Stay forever puffed marshmallow man. Forever puffed.

The last game has the key benefit of being one I’ve actually played. Red Faction: Guerrila released it’s demo, and I have to say that I’m a fan. The gun play is solid, and while I didn’t run into any truy outstanding weapons, I liked the destructible environments. The hammer was awesome to be sure, and I even found some vehicles to drive around in. I think it may be relegated to a rent though, just because (aside from the almost entirely destructible environments) there’s not much new here. I am interested to see what the mission structure is like though.

So, populace, what do you have to say? Prototype, Ghostbuster, or Red Faction. All opinions are appreciated, though not necessarily taken into account.

One game I’d always wanted for the DS was Clubhouse Games, because of the sheer amount of games that comes in the package. When I went to the DSi store, I found 5 card games there for 5 dollars. Of course due to a promotion, I’d been given $10 free, so I didn’t have to pay jack. I would also say buy it, as long as you don’t have Clubhouse Games already. Anyways, so far in this review I have done nothing but digress. I tell you all of the above so that I can tell you that I was left with $5 and a decision.

Do I buy a game I know I’ll enjoy (Dr. Mario), or do I take a chance on a newcomer? There was WarioWare: Snapped, and there was also a game that intrigued me by the name of Art Style: PiCTO BiTS. I already had a copy of WarioWare: Touched in my DSi at the time, so I opted for the newest newcomer, PiCTO BiTS.

Match Three, Win A Goomba (A.K.A. The Review)

I would highly recommend watching the included tutorial videos in the game, because I will no doubt be unable to properly describe the game. Let me attempt though. Each level begins the same, with a blank top screen, and 45 colored blocks on the bottom. Now, I don’t have the technology to take screenshots off of a DS, so you’re all just going to have to with what I could find on google, which was a single screenshot pictured below.

PiCTO BiTS takes inspiration from classic Nintendo games, Bejeweled, and Tetris as well. If I were told to mix these three game-types together, I would not have come up with something nearly as creative. You can fill up a pallet with the various colored bricks, and then place them anywhere on the touch screen. You will do this as different shapes of multicolored multi-layered bricks fall onto the screen. They fall down slowly one row at a time, which makes it easier to lay out your pallet fast enough. The goal? Why, to connect three of course. Or four. Or to make a box. Whatever your heart desires.

My one picture, make of it what you can.

PiCTO BiTS is a game that can only truly be done on the DS. Perhaps the Wii could see a similar game, but the DS is the only platform with a precise enough control scheme to make it work. The top screen shows your progress in a rather clever way, in that each block that you manage to clear out becomes a pixel of an 8-Bit Nintendo character ranging from Mario to Ice Climbers. It starts off challenging enough to make you sweat, but you won’t likely get stuck until about 8 or 9 levels in. You will most definitely be tested, and you will love every minute of it.

If you create combos, you’ll receive coins which can be used to buy you out of a sticky situation. If your screen begins to fill up with too many blocks, you can let loose a POW, which will get rid of a significant amount of the troubling pixels. Unfortunately, one of your pallet boxes (8 total) will become unusable. Once you collect 5 coins you can buy it back. Coins you collect can also be used to buy music, or special “Dark” versions of the levels you’ve already played.

Recommendation: Buy It – Really, it’s pretty much free if you purchase it once you buy your DSi, and that’s a hard price to beat. PiCTO BiTS is a truly original game that has an old school flavor that’s hard to resist. If you do end up having to pay for it, $5 is still an acceptable price for a game as addictive as this.

Resident Evil 4

I will start this one out with a little hypothetical. Imagine you live on a residential street in New Orleans, and are enjoying a lovely day in the sun, tending to your plants (in this scenario, you’re a gardener. Deal with it). Somewhere between spreading manure on your beloved daisy’s, and pouring water on your potatoes, you hear a scream of rage from off in the distance. You, intrigued of course, look up from your work to find a man standing a ways away. He’s looking at you, and he looks pissed.

You stand up, confuzzled, and the man screams gibberish at you. The gibberish is Spanish, and after a torrent of unintelligible words are thrown at you (unless you speak Spanish, in which case they’re… telligable…) the man advances, gets close enough, and punches you in the face. You grab your trusty garden rake, and attempt to defend yourself. Unfortunately for your, you’re also 67 in this scenario, so you don’t last long before the man bites your arm, rips a chunk off, and goes about chewing it and swallowing it, all while pinning you to the ground.

You

As you have probably guessed, this isn’t a mere scenario. The assaulted man was in fact one Joseph Lancelottie, and his attacker was a 48 year old man by the name of Mario Vargas. Lancelottie was unprovokedly attacked on Saturday, April 4th 2009.  After hearing cries for help, a neighbor finally arrived to help in the struggle, and the two managed to separate Vargas from Lancelottie. Perhaps the strangest part of this story (yes stranger than cannibalism even) is that, well, I’ll just copy paste:

“ He eventually let go of Lancellotti and walked two blocks to a parking lot, where he hovered near an empty police car, the report said. The suspect was still standing there when deputies arrived and took him into custody.”

That’s right, as if he were a zombie, being controlled by say, a rouge Spaniard perhaps, the man found himself a police vehicle, and obediently waited nearby until the police arrived. I’m not one to fear monger more than a little bit at a time, but I am almost positive in my belief that this man was being controlled by an evil person, whom has found himself a virus that renders his captors incapable of free choice. It seems quite curious that the man found a police car to wait by so as to not find any more trouble. Very curious.

A rouge spaniard?

Mercenaries (Kind Of)

As far as flimsy relations go, for this list at least, the relation here will take the cake. The original Mercenaries tasked you with finding and killing the 52 most wanted men and women of North Korea. The list was of course devised by the “Allied Nations”, the game’s form of the United Nations. The Ace of Spades is General Song, and he is your primary target. Kill him, and it’s believed that the war will end.

Surprisingly, my real life relation doesn’t have anything to do with North Korea, Mercenaries, or the United Nations. It has everything to do with this man:

The first time he was ever truly happy

That man, and his crazy schemes to laugh at democracy and “take care of things”. I am of course referring to his recently uncovered Roving Death Squads, or as some would call it the “Executive Assassination Ring”.  The group of soldiers whom could, upon the Vice Presidents whim, make their way to various countries and assassinate anyone whom Dick Cheney deemed “expendable”. Of course the fact that Cheney had his own squad of assassins shouldn’t really come as a curveball to anyone, seeing as it’s pretty much like finding out that Santa Clause isn’t real. I mean, you were upset, but were you really all that surprised?

Regardless, assassinating people in a foreign country isn’t unheard of in video games, but it fits with Mercenaries better than any other game I could conjure up because it is distinctly a game about assassination… and blowing stuff up. Mainly assassination though.

No, not that kind of assassin. Though that’d be sweeeeeet.

Hitman

Hitman was a wholly original and dare I say, fun, game throughout all of its iterations. As more Hitman games were released the games remained fun, if not as “new” as the original was. The main draw of the series was the delightfully evil ways in which you could go about killing your “marks”. Toasters in bathtubs, tosses off buildings, replacing a prop gun for a play with a real one. All fun, all fulfilling. 

Of course, you do know that hitmen are real right? It’s not a very common career choice to be sure, but from what I’ve seen in the movies, it could most definitely be lucrative. Much more lucrative than blogging even… hmm… nope, I’m not ready for that big of a change. Yet. Moving on, it’s difficult to scrounge up a good hitman tale, because if hitmen like Agent 47 do exist, all of their “hits” will undoubtedly look like accidents. So instead, I found one story kind of related to an example above (takes place theatrically), and two much more interesting stories.

This intelligent fellow hired a hitman to kill his mom.

Because she confiscated his Playstation.

Whenever I played the Hitman games, I could never pull off the interesting and fulfilling kills mentioned above. Except for tossing people off of buildings of course. So most of my kills would end up like this guys, very public, and very messy. If you don’t want to read the whole thing, the basic gist of the article is that a hitman walked into a cafe, greeted an apparent friend, loaded a gun, and shot the “friend” in the face. This is where my strategy and his strategy differ, in that I would have fled the crime scene within the 25 minutes it took the police to arrive.

Of course, maybe not getting caught is why I’m not a Hitman.

Spiderman

Who hasn’t engaged in the classic, “If you could have one superpower, what would it be?”, or, “If you could be one super hero, who would it be?” conversation? Whenever this question arises, I always jump right into Spiderman mode and steadfastly hold my ground as other try to change my mind to Superman or Wolverine. After playing Spiderman 2, I don’t have any desire to fly or be invincible. Web swinging is where it’s at. Flying may be entertaining at first, but zipping along thousands of feet above the ground doesn’t allow for much visibility of the ground. Swinging along however, puts you right in the action. Not to mention the super strength, and spidey sense.

Of course, you’re not interested in my opinions on super heroes, what you’re here for is to find out how Spiderman could happen in real life. Unfortunately for you, it’s not Spidermen, but Spidergoats. The main goal of this project is to make spidersilk milkable, by having strands come out with goat milk. This of course means that one day we may be able to make spider people, and aside from being a really cool conversation starter, you would also be able to shoot spider webs from, well, most likely your nipples. It’s not a pretty picture for anyone really, men or women, but I submit this hypothesis as fact.

Not Quite. Also, if you want to sleep at night, don’t Google “spider” ever.

EVER!

And yes, those are tons of baby spiders on its back.

Sniper Elite

I’ve never actually played the game Sniper Elite, but I don’t believe it would be a stretch for me to say that  it has a lot of sniping. In fact, I believe that Sniper Elite involves mostly sniping, if not only sniping. Sniping people, sniping buildings, sniping animals, snipe snipe snipe snipe snipe. So understandably, I figured it would be easy to find at least someone whom would make a good example of an elite sniper. Oh boy, did I find the guy.

His name is Simo Häyhä. He had received many commendations and trophy’s even before going into the service against the Red Army in the Winter War between Finland and the Soviet Union. The war only lasted from November of 1939 to March of 1940, but in this amount of time Simo Häyhä managed to kick a considerable amount of Soviet Union ass. Dressed in white camouflage in temperatures ranging from below zero, to way below zero, Häyhä made 505 confirmed sniper kills. Add to the that the use of his machine gun (which we will), and his total kill count is 705. All of this in only 100 days total.

Your worst nightmare

Hell, this guy was outnumbered, out tanked (30 for Finland, the Soviet Union had 6,541) and out aircrafted (130 to 3,880), but still he needed to even up the odds. Feeling that scopes weren’t suitable for the environment, he opted for iron sights instead. That’s right, think about hitting a target in -40 degree weather from on the ground, in the snow 100 or so feet away using one of those Call of Duty: World at War guns without a scope. Not a pretty, or easy picture. Add to that the fact that most of the time these were patrols with more than one person, and you have yourself fairly even playing field considering who we’re talking about.

Also, he was pretty darn smart:

“Another tactic used by Häyhä was to freeze the snow in front of him so that the shot wouldn’t puff the snow, thus revealing his position. He also kept snow in his mouth so that when breathing he wouldn’t reveal his position.”

That’s It

So there you go. There’s bound to be more of these stories out there, and if there are, rest assured I’ll find out. Hope you enjoyed the read.

I have to hand it EA this time. I believe it was about November that Fallout 3 came out, and it managed to keep me playing from 9 in the morning to 11 at night (almost straight) on a lazy Saturday. No other game between November and about 3 days ago has managed to keep my interest for that long. That’s right, The Godfather II has kept me entertained for 14 hours straight, and I’m as surprised as most of you probably are. And I need to get a life.

The first Godfather game was okay, nothing special in my opinion, but I will say that most of the Wii controls added to the experience. So naturally my expectations were low when I recieved The Godfather II from Gamefly 3 days ago. My low expectations were crushed minutes later, but crushed in a good way.

She Ain’t No Looker

I’d like to get this out of the way as soon as possible. If you’re a “graphics whore” unlike myself, then you’ll no doubt find much to hate in Godfather II. When I started the game up, and it got to the title screen, I found some fairly noticable framerate issues. Mainly just that the spinning sign was a little jumpy. This worried me, but when I got into the game, the problem did not present itself. Regardless, the graphics aren’t too impressive either, and yes, I’m gonna say it, this is no Grand Theft Auto 4 in terms of looks, or much else. Where GTA 4 featured a terrifically detailed world, most of The Godfather II’s buildings are copy pasted, and the textures aren’t all that great to look at.

The pop-in is also very noticable, with cars first showing up texturless and white, and then gaining their colors. It kind of reminded me of the way the world would glitch in Assassins Creed, and it actually slightly amused me. The main players in the story are all definitive in their voicework, and the locations all feature varied styles and vehicles. Also, sometimes whil walking on the second or third story of a building, I’d find a crack in the floor that I could see through. Not too weird considering the pop-in though, so I’ll let it slide.

I’m Gonna Make You An Offer…

I’m one of those people. The person whom, when talk of the Godfather movies begins, I’m drug in, and forced to reveal that I’ve never seen the movies. I chalk it up to the fact that neither of my parents were ever very fond of them, so we never owned them. Therefore, I can’t honestly make any comparisons between the events of the game, and the events of the movies. All I know is that the old Don was killed, and 6 months later I was put in charge of bringing back the Corleone name. After some exposition, I find out that I’m supposed to take over the city of New York in any way I can.

The act of monopolizing a city is much easier than it sound. My first building of note was a strip club. My single family member and I made our way into the house of ill repute, cleverly disguised as a bakery (not us, the strip club was disguised as a bakery). Downstairs, and past the nude women, I found the owner and went about roughing him up. As soon as I’d convinced him to let me run the joint, I began to make some income. Of course, this led to the problem of my competition having one less “racket” with which to do business. I hired a couple of guards, whom cost $100 a day, and was on my way to stardom.

New York was small. I dominated quickly, and once I had finished off the Rosato family, I was off to Florida. One look at my board game like map (aka Don’s View) of the city showed the daunting task that lay before me. 25 businesses to be extorted, taken over, and guarded, all while worrying about 2 rival families muscling in on the business I stole from them. I was also given the chance to expand my family, which I did graciously. I didn’t realize it at first, but any member of my family could be sent off to defend a business that was under attack. They would get there almost immediatly, even if the attack was in New York, while he had been by my side in Florida a second earlier.

Once you control all of the businesses in a crime ring, you’ll get a perk. Your first perk will be brass knuckles for all of your men, that includes guards of course. If your anything like me, you’ll plan out ahead of time what ring you’re gonna go after first. There’s incidiary bullets, bullet proof vests, and even discounted guard prices. Some of them aren’t available until later cities though, so just be patient.

Ain’t That a Kick in the Head?

Each family member has their own skill. These range from aronists, to medics, to safecrackers and beyond. When I was given the choice to pick my first “made man”, I chose a medic, and therefore wasn’t aware of what I was missing out on. As my family grew, so did its skillset. I promoted my medic to “Capo”, and he was allowed another skill. The final upgrade to Underboss (only available to one of my lackey’s) allowed for one more skill, giving him three total. Any player with at least half a brain will see that with one Underboss, and two Capos containing the six total skills, they won’t have anything in their way. You can cut power so that your rivals can’t call for back-up, blow up walls to gain access to buildings, and even have your “bruisers” stealth stab people in the back, which is always fun to watch.

With about 4 hours left of the campaign, I had a full crew, and I never had to worry about not being able to send someone off to defend a compound, because I had four soldiers whom I could deploy at a moments notice. My final 4 hours, (which were spent in Cuba by the way) were spent taking care of the final two families. You’re never told to deal with any one family first, so how you dominate the city is your own choice.

One of my favorite aspects of the game came after the generic side quests that could be picked up from the various denizens of the 3 cities. After either wrecking a business or killing or maiming someone, you gain a piece of information on how to kill one of your rivals family members permanently. You see, they can’t be killed by just a shot to the head, they have specific ways to die, or else it just won’t work. Ranging from executions involving baseball bats to tossing people off of buildings, I found these to in the very least be an entertaining way to actually mix things up with my killing, ya know, like a Don.

So, In Conclusion

As I said, the Godfather II won’t win any awards for its graphical superiority. I wouldn’t call it a downright ugly game, but Gears of War it ain’t. The thing is, Godfather II has an addictive quality that I chalk up to it being an every game. It has empire building, action, drama, assassination attempts, squad based shooting. Even the various “copy pasted” enviroments are mixed up by the fact that the developers blocked off certain ways into a place. Some would call these arbitrary barriers, and in essence they are, but at least it kept me from making the same approach into every single garage and diner.

The story isn’t anything to write home about either. All I know is that in 6 months, I haven’t played a (single player) game that’s managed to keep me on the screen when I knew I had more important things I could be doing. The Godfather II caught me completely by surprise, but what’s most surprising, is that I don’t think you should buy it.

Recommendation: Rent It – Aside from graphics and story, I’ve praised The Godfather II throughout this review. The only problem is, that once the roughly 15 hours are done, you’re done. There’s no more families to ruin your business, and there’s no more cities to take control of. Online is the un-inspired usual bunch of games you’ve played before like Team Deathmatch. It’s kind of a mess in places, but The Godfather II really is more than the sum of its parts, and it deserves a rent at least.